


Secrets

by baochan



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst probably, Drabble, M/M, because episode 9 killed us all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-31
Updated: 2014-08-31
Packaged: 2018-02-15 12:20:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2228826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baochan/pseuds/baochan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sousuke bears inside himself a universe of secrets that he’d never tell Rin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secrets

Sousuke bears inside himself a universe of secrets that he’d never tell Rin.

Like how he knows Rin would always pick scissors first when they have throwdowns, and he would go with paper on purpose just to see Rin’s triumphant grin.

Like how much he loves the sun glinting off Rin’s hair, or how his eyes always scan a crowd for a sign of red. Like how Rin’s sobs always make him weak, and how he would go along with any of Rin’s disastrous ideas at the first sign of tears.

Like the ugly feeling of abandonment he suppressed when Rin transferred, or the nights he lay awake in his bed wondering what Rin could be doing on the other side of the globe. Like the ‘don’t go’ burning in his throat or the ‘when will you come back?’ he swallowed as he waved Rin goodbye.

Like the lines he erased in his letters to Rin, and the unsent mails that he kept in the bottom of his desk drawers. Like how he intimately knew Rin’s writing, like the bitter taste of disappointment and the pang of jealousy in his heart when he discovered the letter Rin sent was meant for Nanase.

(Sousuke gave the letter to Nanase, told him to keep it. It was the only letter from Rin that he wished he had never received.)

Like the flurry of emotions in his chest when he found out that Rin was back. Rin was finally back in Japan, finally within reach. Rin was back in Japan, and didn’t even say a word to him.

(But Sousuke is seventeen now and is one of the nation’s top ten butterfly swimmers, is finally capable of chasing after Rin.)

Like the secret joy as he scanned his new class for a sign of red and caught Rin, mouth agape, lips forming the syllables of Sousuke’s name. Like the elation of standing face to face after five years, of Rin’s movements matching his own in their special handshake, of Rin’s laughter, so much deeper now, but no less musical than it was when they were eleven. 

(There were things that never changed and things that did, and they had to re-learn each other.)

Like how utterly excluded Sousuke felt as Rin mentioned his ‘friends’, like anger, like regret, like the ‘if only’s that were dispelled before they finished themselves, because Rin was adamant about keeping what happened in Australia a thing of the past, and Sousuke wasn’t going to dwell on it if Rin didn’t want to. Everyone has his own secrets, and Sousuke himself has too many.

Like the flare of pain in his shoulders as he pushes himself forward, the gasps lost in splashes of water. Like the careful calculation of how much effort to put in practice for fear of further injury. Like the long showers after practice, like the redness of his shoulders under the scalding spray, like sinking to the floor clenching his teeth, because Rin is in the stall next to him. 

(Rin is going to break if he finds out. Rin already has enough to handle as the captain of a team, has issues of his own to deal with, has his future to aspire to, and Sousuke can’t afford to hinder his steps.)

Sousuke swallows his secrets. The universe inside himself only ever expands.


End file.
